There’s not at some point that goes by with out somebody calling YLaw and asking for an aggressive household lawyer. Often they ask for me as a result of they assume I’m one of the vital aggressive household legal professionals in Vancouver. In any case, that’s the popularity I established firstly of my profession.

The necessity for justice and getting the shopper every thing they requested for landed me in courtroom hearings nearly on a regular basis, generally twice a day. I fought, and I gained over 90% of my household legislation circumstances. However on the finish and after working towards for various years, I remorse that path. Each win was nonetheless a loss to my shopper; and to myself. I’ll clarify.

I’ve spent the final 5 years attempting to restore my popularity. As a result of I feel a purely aggressive household lawyer who simply ups the battle is among the worst selections a household legislation shopper could make.

My Expertise as an Aggressive Household Legislation Lawyer

I used to be reactive to any threats or hurt to my shopper. I wanted to guard him/her like I did my household. I assumed what I assumed was cheap and needs to be accepted by the opposing aspect instantly. In the event that they didn’t settle for it, then ‘see you in courtroom’.

This meant that I spent hours, days, weeks getting ready for fights. I had my shoppers in my workplace drafting affidavits, gathering proof towards the opposing aspect, gearing up for conflict in courtroom. Typically I’d interview teenage youngsters of my shoppers and write affidavits on their behalf to get custody as a result of I assumed that was what was of their finest pursuits. I fought over each penny that the opposite aspect shouldn’t have. My shoppers cherished me as a result of I fought more durable than they ever may. A few of these shoppers are my finest mates to today.

My mistake was following the needs of my shoppers after they have been caught up in a battle. They wished an aggressive lawyer, so be it. I used to be simply that. What I didn’t notice was that part of my job as a lawyer was to steer the shopper in direction of wholesome targets and inform them in regards to the penalties of a household conflict. Even when they didn’t need to hear it. If I gave them the knowledge I’ve immediately, maybe they might have modified their method and (not now however) later thanked me for the recommendation.

The Loss to My Shoppers

I didn’t perceive was how a lot my shoppers misplaced. In any case, I used to be coping with the break down of a household:

  • A pair who at one level cherished one another;
  • On one stunning day stated wedding ceremony vows to one another in entrance of all their family members;
  • Someday discovered they’re pregnant and have been about to obtain the largest present life may give them.

That couple was now ending their historical past. I used to be concerned in encouraging them to turn out to be enemies and within the course of inadvertently harm their youngsters, their greatest items in life.

I used to be coping with dad and mom spending their hard-earned cash on me on the price of a number of lots of of {dollars} an hour. That cash may have been put in an RESP account for his or her youngsters. I drove my shoppers to face their very own husbands and wives in courtroom – in entrance of a decide and a courtroom reporter. I strategized with them to make use of their household and mates to testify towards each other. I divided not simply them, however their communities and social circles. The breakdown of a lovely household had now turn out to be a strategic sport the place ‘shedding’ was not an possibility.

The Outcomes of Being an Aggressive Lawyer

In that course of, regardless of how a lot we gained, we misplaced extra. In any case, most if not all of my shoppers wished nothing however:

  • a good consequence,
  • a relationship with their youngsters,
  • shifting on from a painful breakup and
  • therapeutic.

Many instances they have been misguided in considering that’s achieved by way of having an aggressive lawyer. In reality, in most if not all of these circumstances, the other was achieved:

  • youngsters needed to choose sides,
  • cash had gone down the drain,
  • a painful separation was extended, and
  • that couple would at all times and for the remainder of their lives keep in mind that their marriage led to an all out, nasty battle in courtroom – an expertise which might be communicated and handed down technology after technology.

You understand how I spotted what I used to be doing was incorrect? Those self same shoppers who gained their ‘battle’, later got here to me and stated in the event that they knew higher they might by no means battle. They might compromise and resolve their points even when it meant they acquired much less time with their youngsters or stroll away with much less cash. As a result of the injury and ache of combating far outdated the advantages that have been gained.

Why You Need an Aggressive Household Lawyer

Many divorcing people have by no means been inside a courtroom room earlier than. They’ve by no means been betrayed as a lot as they’ve on account of their separation. They’ve by no means felt extra misplaced, fearful, unhappy and susceptible. Typically the false accusations, distrust, and battle worsen on daily basis after separation. The divorcing associate feels helpless and faces critical lack of his cash, youngsters, assist, household, and many others.

A survival intuition tells her to battle for her rights however she doesn’t know easy methods to as she isn’t a lawyer. Subsequent factor she is concerned within the household courtroom system. Now she is up towards an intimidating divorce lawyer and feels much more helpless. That’s why the very first thing the mind tells her to do is to rent probably the most aggressive lawyer to guard her, battle for her rights and get her what she wants at separation.

The necessity for hiring an aggressive household lawyer is as a result of:

  1. You need somebody to completely defend your rights; 
  2. You need somebody to battle towards the opposite aggressive lawyer representing your ex. 

Your causes are fully comprehensible and make whole sense. Your selection nonetheless, isn’t at all times the suitable selection.

You don’t want an aggressive household lawyer. You want an Assertive Household Lawyer.

Who’s an Aggressive Household Lawyer?

An aggressive household lawyer is a lawyer who’s so instinctually combative that their overriding urge is to have interaction in battle no matter whether or not or not it’s within the shopper’s long run finest curiosity. These legal professionals typically are available in two kinds:

  • They genuinely consider that combating and battle are the most effective methods to resolve a dispute, and haven’t any understanding of long run penalties or outcomes.
  • Are ego pushed and grasping, and drive the shopper into fights with a view to maximize on financial acquire.

Who’s an Assertive Household Lawyer?

An assertive household lawyer is a strategic and clever lawyer who at all times maintains their shopper’s long run curiosity as their final purpose. They don’t seem to be push-overs and don’t bend below strain. However they weigh all advantages and prices in any state of affairs with a view to use the best instruments when resolving battle. These instruments could also be negotiation, mediation or litigation. They cater their technique to the individuality of the shopper’s state of affairs and carve out a singular resolution to each drawback. They don’t seem to be afraid to battle, however battle correctly and when it’s completely crucial.

The Aggressive Household Lawyer vs. The Assertive Household Lawyer

Battle vs. Outcomes

The aggressive lawyer appears to be like for battle. The assertive household lawyer appears to be like for decision whereas not being a push over.

Ask your self this: have you ever ever witnessed a excessive battle state of affairs having a constructive consequence? Take it from wars, to folks assaulting one another, to bullying at faculties, to folks bashing one another on-line? Do you assume hightening the battle in your case can be any totally different? Then why would you like a lawyer to up the battle? What you want in your loved ones legislation case is a honest consequence, not conflict. 

Profitable vs. Decision

The aggressive lawyer is one-dimensional and has one technique that he follows: battle in courtroom. The assertive legal professionals appears to be like in any respect choices, applies logic and a price/profit evaluation to them, after which collaborates with you to search out the most suitable choice.

Ego vs. Knowledge

The aggressive household lawyer is usually ego pushed as a result of the ego needs to be validated and win. The assertive household lawyer doesn’t let his/her ego get in the way in which of correctly defending his/her shoppers whereas on the similar time seeing whether or not compromise will obtain greater than a battle would.

Quick time period vs. Long run

The Aggressive household lawyer focuses on brief time period outcomes. The assertive household lawyer focuses on long run outcomes.

In lots of my circumstances when I was aggressive, the shopper cherished having me battle for them and having their voices heard. They cherished the ‘wins’. However after a number of months or years, they realized that these ‘wins’ have been not likely wins. They achieved nothing however some non permanent pleasure of ‘placing the opposite aspect of their place’. Long run, nonetheless, these ‘wins’ additional broken relationships, funds, and many others.

However What if the Opposing Lawyer is Aggressive?

Many consumers assume that as a result of the opposite aspect has an aggressive lawyer, in addition they want one to match the sport. Nonetheless, primarily based on my expertise, an assertive lawyer is rather more efficient in going through an aggressive lawyer within the following methods:

  • The assertive lawyer is rather more revered by judges and in courtroom than the aggressive lawyer. Judges need to arrive at a good consequence. Whoever appears them eye-to-eye and suggests real looking and honest options will come out profitable. Most judges don’t recognize aggressive and unreasonable legal professionals.
  • The assertive lawyer is mentally wholesome, targeted and degree headed. He/she isn’t reactive. The aggressive lawyer usually has a mood and is reactive. In a household legislation case, reactiveness when pointless can price fortunes.
  • The assertive lawyer doesn’t let ego get in his method, so he’ll exhaust all alternatives to speak and lead the case in direction of settlement relatively than battle. That lawyer can really handle and lead the aggressive lawyer onto a optimistic path of battle decision;
  • The assertive lawyer will battle lengthy and laborious if he/she realizes that negotiation or motive doesn’t work with the opposite aspect, however earlier than that, he/she’s going to exhaust all alternatives to avoid wasting you time and prices of combating if different choices can be found.


Don’t put your eggs within the aggressive lawyer basket. You’ll have rather more to lose than acquire, and you’ll nearly at all times remorse your selection. Rent an assertive lawyer.

To seek out the most effective household legal professionals in Vancouver, click here.

Leena Yousefi is an assertive (now not aggressive!) household lawyer and the founding father of YLaw Group. She ensures that every one legal professionals at YLaw are assertive and never aggressive. In any case, the shopper’s finest pursuits are of the best worth and significance at YLaw, and needs to be that method with each lawyer and legislation agency on the market. 



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here